Unconditional Love and Alzheimer's Disease

   My Grandmother, Lillian, developed Alzheimer's Disease in the mid to late 90's. In the beginning, her disease manifested with her telling us the same recipe or monkey joke over and over. She was becoming forgetful. At first, it was slightly comical that Grandma kept forgetting what she had already told us. As her disease progressed, she forgot our names.

   Before Alzheimer's, my Grandmother was the rock of our family. She grew up in the midwest on a farm and met my grandfather as she was fixing airplane engines in the second World War. She could do pretty much anything. She was a huge sportsfan and watched the Red Sox nightly. She could talk sports with the best of them. She was incredibly compassionate and caring as well. She knew how to brush away headaches with her hands. When you were in her presence, you immediately felt calm, relaxed, and loved.

   By 2004, her disease had progressed to the point where she was no longer able to care for herself. My Grandfather, Angelo, tried his hardest to hide the severity of her disease. He knew that if his children knew how sick she was, and how challenging it had become to take care of her, they would surely place her in a nursing home.

   When her Alzheimer's worsened, she started wandering off down the street alone. She began locking my grandfather out of the house because she didn't know who "that man" was anymore. She was so frightened that she began to defend herself at the slightest hint of danger. She was no longer safe and neither was he. She was placed in a nursing home in 2005 at the urging of his children and her physicians. Grandpa was distraught. He had been taking care of her for so long, he was lost without her. He told us that if he could, he would carry her on his back through life. His aging body would no longer let him do that.

   He visits her almost everyday. He has become a regular sight in the nursing home. When her laundry started to go missing, he took it upon himself to start doing all of her laundry. When she refused to eat, he would sit with her and coax her into drinking a glass of milk and cookies. He brings her a napkin and wipes her chin as she drools. Adoringly he will say to her, "Who's my girl, Lil? That's right, you're my sweetheart, you're my beautiful girl". He showers her with kisses and strokes her hand. Often times he brings in a manicure set and nailpolish to do her nails. When he feels like she isn't getting enough attention from the nursing aides, he buys them chocolates and slips them $20 bills. He would do anything for his sweetheart.

    My Grandmother is mostly non-verbal, she is confined to a chair, and does not know her family. She laughs and smiles whenever my grandfather talks to her. A twinkle in her eye let's us know that she still recognizes her loving husband. My Grandfather is devoted to his wife like no man I have ever seen before. He will be 96 years old this year, and has spent the past 9 years doting on his wife in a nursing home. Unconditional, eternal love like this is rarely seen. He tells us frequently that he is just waiting for her to go so that he can go too. He lives for her. His happiness comes when he feeds her milk and cookies and tells her how much he loves her. His love knows no boundaries or limits. Alzheimer's cannot take away his unconditional love. If all men loved the way he did, the world would be a better place. He reminds me of the character, Noah, in the movie "The Notebook".

 "You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine." - Nicholas Sparks, 'The Notebook'