Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Your Past Does NOT Define You

   Whenever I tell people the story of how I grew up, their response is always, "How are you so normal??"  I grew up in a dysfunctional home.  I was raised primarily by my father while my mother spent the majority of my life in a mental hospital.  She suffered from bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes, alcoholism, and drug addiction.  She was also incredibly violent, which required numerous restraining orders. Visits from the police and frequent suicide attempts became familiar scenes for our family.  Up until the age of 18 however, she was still part of our family, wreaking havoc and tormenting our family under our roof.

   My mother enjoyed her attempts at sabotaging my schooling, repeatedly telling me I "was going to be nothing and be fat and ugly just like her", and attacking me while I slept.  The teenage years that were already difficult enough with getting bullied in high school were ten times more challenging when your home life was chaotic and downright scary.

   As I watched her failures in life, my aspirations to succeed only grew stronger.  When she told me I was going to be "fat and ugly", I joined a gym and learned how to care for my physical body.  When she told me I wouldn't amount to anything, I strived harder in school to get great grades and was granted multiple scholarships to attend Boston College.  I focused so much on my education, I became the Valedictorian of Boston College's School of Nursing.    I never believed the lies that she told me.  I knew I was a smart, beautiful, talented woman who was destined for great things.  Thank god, many wonderful people were in my life to tell me those positive things.

   I never looked at the circumstances of my childhood as a crutch or an excuse as to why I couldn't accomplish my dreams, live a healthy, happy life,  or love another unconditionally.  I don't feel tainted or gipped of a childhood.  Despite the dysfunction, I still felt I had a great childhood with lots of wonderful memories with my 3 siblings.  I refused to let my life be defined by my mothers mental illness and the adversity I faced.

   Often times, young people in this type of situation create dysfunction in their own lives because that is all they know.  They don't know another way to live.  They succumb to drugs, alcohol, depression, criminal activity, and a lack of motivation to succeed in life.    

   So how am I normal?  Easy.  I never let my past define me.  I believed enough in myself to know that I could be and do whatever it was my beautiful heart desired.  I am my own person, creating my own future.  Most importantly, I have the capacity to forgive.  I forgive my mother for being who she was, as I'm sure her behavior and disease stemmed from her own childhood traumas.  She did only what she knew, how to live a dysfunctional life.  The cycle of dysfunction stops here with me.  I strive to be the best person I can be.

   My mother will always be my mother, but I choose not to have her in my life because it is not what is healthiest for me.  As an adult, I can make that decision without guilt or regret.  I choose to have happy, healthy, positive people in my life that help me to be a better person.  I wish her happiness in wherever her life takes her.

   Everyone has a past.  Many people deal with trauma, tragedy, and adversity.  It's how you grow from these events, learn from them, and move forward in your life with a healthy attitude, perspective, and determination.  There is strength in acknowledging the past, and especially acknowledging the lessons learned from your past.  But never let the events of your past hinder your future or prevent you from your dreams.  Your past does not define who you are today.  YOU define who you are today by being the best version of yourself right NOW.

4 comments:

  1. Andrea, your writing here is so beautiful, authentic and inspiring! Thank you for this important message! Thank you for sharing your story - I had no idea! You are so gorgeous, talented, loving and kind - you are proof that a strong belief in yourself can overcome any hardships. Anne

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    1. Thank you Anne for your beautiful comment. I write in hopes to inspire others and to show how you can create the life you want despite any hardships.

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  2. Thank you for this fantastic blog post. Very inspiring. Interesting how some version of the phrase "being the best version of yourself" has been popping up in my world of late. Maybe the universe is trying to send me a message.

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    1. Yes Jim, I believe it is! That is synchronicity at its best. When there is a message we need to hear, the universe has a way of making it show up in our lives. Thank you for your kind words and for sharing my blog.

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